The last week has been a continuous battle of emotions. I am overwhelmed by the love and prayers we have been blessed with from family and friends during this past week. Kevin has been a great strength to me during my dark days and I am thankful for his love. I have really been struggling with the “what are we doing next and how are we doing it”. This morning on my way to work I heard a wonderful sermon by Charles Stanley on faith. He talked about how God tests our faith and uses that as pruning. Just like you prune a tree or a bush so that its branches remain firm and its produces better fruit, God prunes us so that our faith grows stronger and deeper. God wants us to come to a place where we can admit, no I can’t do it on my own and I give it all over to you. We can keep trying to fix the problem, but only God has true control and power over these situations. This hit me really hard, I can’t fix our infertility! As much as I don’t want to admit it I kept asking myself, what did I do to deserve infertility, why me? But I already know the answer. God’s purpose for infertility in my life was to bring me closer to him and shape that relationship. I have no doubt in my mind that my relationship with the Lord is closer than it has ever been. My faith in him has never been greater. God is in control of our infertility and has to the power to help us get pregnant. I have no doubt in my mind that he has placed Dr. Douglas and his staff in our lives. I know he uses them as a tool but he alone has the power to control my infertility. Once I admitted this to myself and shed a few tears I truly felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I know that God sent that message specifically for me this morning and I’m so thankful for his unconditional love.
Tomorrow we meet with Dr. Douglas to talk about the failed IVF and our FET. I have complete peace about this appointment. How can I fear when God is in control of our infertility? Tomorrow I will have been on Metformin (500 mg) for a 5th day. So far I haven’t had a lot of side effects. Today was one of the first days I got sick from it but I also think the new high fiber diet had something to do with it as well. Saturday morning I start taking 1000 mg and I am praying that the lack of side effects will continue. I am thankful that I will start this over the weekend so I will have a couple days to let my body adjust at home.
Thank you for your continued prayers for Kevin and I. We have been blessed with an amazing support system and we are truly thankful for every one of those prayers. I pray that our infertility story will bring faith into your life and that you will be blessed by God’s pruning!
I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.
Matthew 17:20 (NIV)
Matthew 17:20 (NIV)
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